


Buzzfeed Lies

by fireandphoenix



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, the media is weird sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireandphoenix/pseuds/fireandphoenix
Summary: At first, the quiz hadn’t been noticed by any of them. News and media outlets had always had a weird obsession with both the Batfamily and the Waynes, so most things about them were dutifully ignored and or mocked. That was, until Dick found that Buzzfeed uploaded a quiz with: Which bat-boy are you? And how could he ignore that?or alternatively,Dick finds a quiz and makes all of his brothers suffer by making them take it.





	1. Dick finds the something the others really wish he hadn't

At first, the quiz hadn’t been noticed by any of them. News and media outlets had always had a weird obsession with both the Batfamily and the Waynes, so most things about them were dutifully ignored and or mocked. That was, until Dick found that Buzzfeed uploaded a quiz with: Which bat-boy are you? And how could he ignore that?

Dick had first found the quiz as Officer Grayson on a sunny, peaceful day in Bludhaven, on one of the few occasions Dick had felt that he should actually check in to his day-job for once (he usually didn’t, since he had no fear of being fired; being a police officer in one of the worst cities in the country meant that you don’t get fired, you just work till you die). Besides, Dick always patrolled as Nightwing, so he was still sorta doing his job.

When he walked into the police department, he heard loud cheering coming from his partner's desk. Sadly, the cheering wasn’t directed at Dick per se, but actually on his partner’s phone. 

“Whatcha got there kiddo?” Dick leaned over his partner’s shoulder, squinting his eyes to view the screen (did he need glasses, no of course not, he wasn’t old and he was still in his prime,  _  no worries _ ). It looked like one of those stupid quizzes from Buzzfeed that Dick had taken a couple of times. He was proud of the fact that he was in spirit an Ariel bowl, thank you very much.

“Oh hey! You’re actually here for once. Guys, Dick is here!” His partner startled at his touch, before a large grin spread across his features. He shoved his phone at Dick’s face, enlarging the results far too much for someone to actually read.

“Here take a look! It’s a quiz Buzzfeed uploaded, testing to see which member of the Bat-team you would be. So far, I’m the only one who has gotten Nightwing!” He puffed his chest out, obviously smug about getting Bludhaven’s very own vigilante.

“Hmmm sounds cool. Mind if I take a look?” Dick asked, already taking the phone out of his partner’s hands and scrolling through the results.

“Sure, just make sure you screenshot it ok? I need proof I got it or else no one will believe me.” His partner joked, before turning back to his desk to work on some cases.

Nodding absently, Dick examined what the webpage showed. It was, Dick happily admitted, a great photo of him- or  _ Nightwing _ performing a flip in the air while holding out his escrima sticks. The image showed off all of his best  _ assets,  _ including his drop-dead-gorgeous-I’m-going-to-kill-you smirk that Dick may or may not have practiced in the mirror. Under the picture, that was obviously taken by a professional and Dick  _ may or may not have to alert Bruce on this _ , it read:

_ Congratulations, you are Nightwing! You’re confident with who you are and have the abilities to back it up! You have a charming personality that leaves everyone feeling blessed to be with you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t make enemies. Although you tend to look on the bright side and are always ready with a funny joke, sometimes you get lost in the situation and can become someone… terrifying. Your anger comes in giant waves, and can easily consume you if you’re not careful. _

_ You are willing to do anything for your friends, and have a beautiful heart to match your beautiful features. _

_ Go, Nightwing, go! _

Chuckling at the description, Dick screenshotted the results before asking if he could take the quiz himself. With an affirmation from his partner, Dick started the quiz. The first couple questions were pretty easy, asking what his favorite food was (cereal,  _ duh _ ), what he liked to do on his own time (uhhh does swinging through the city count?), and just regular questions, but then they actually started getting pretty deep for a Buzzfeed quiz.

Hmmmm, Dick read the question, a little suspicious at how specific it was. If he were to get replaced, how would he feel? Well, it would obviously suck, and he does remember how he felt when he saw Jason as Robin for the first time ( _ the betrayal and jealousy pulsing through his blood, begging for release and to hurt _ ), so he chose the first answer- get angry and run off for a while. That is pretty much what he did soooo. After answering a couple other questions, how he felt about killing (truth be told he could, he just doesn’t), if he always listens to the authorities (sometimes the ones in charge make the wrong decisions, cough cough- _ Justice League- _ cough cough, and Dick is willing to fight against it), and how he views his friends (would totally die for them 100%), he finally got to the results.

Confident in his answer he looked down,

and  _ shrieked _ ,

because there on the the screen were the words saying:

_ Congratulations, you are the Red Hood! You tend to do what you want when you want, but are incredibly loyal to your teammates! You give off a bad-boy vibe but are secretly a softie at heart :). You fight for what you believe, and are willing to go against whoever it takes to get your way. Although underneath your ruggish exterior you have a heart of gold, you do have your dark spots… _

_ Sometimes you let your anger get the best of you, and can end up attacking the wrong people. You’re tough to admit when you’re in the wrong, and can have a bit of an ego from time to time.  _

_ In the end, you will always be there for your friends and can support them with whatever they need… including the slightly questionable things. _

_ Go, Red Hood, go! _

Dick gaped at the screen in shock, his mind reeling at how this could have happened. 

“Oh dude you got Red Hood? Nice!” His partner clapped him on the back, while he prattled on about who got who in the office. Dick wanted to pay attention, but all he could focus on was the Red Hood picture, which, he grudgingly had to admit was a good one- Red Hood staring straight into the camera, his arms crossed over his chest holding his favored pistols (did Jason do an actual photoshoot and  _ not invite Dick _ ?). The mask stared straight into his eyes, almost into his pure and untainted soul. He felt  _ judged _ dang it, and that wasn’t fair. Sourly, he began to reread the description. Of course Dick knew that the description was similar to Nightwing’s, Buzzfeed didn’t entirely have a lot of information to work with, and that the quiz was probably based more on luck than actual  _ research _ , but still.  _ Dick is literally Nightwing, and he got the Red Hood, his little brother, who only wants to push him off a building on his good days. _ It was… hilarious.

Dick chuckled, before saving the link and sending it to himself.

“Thanks man. You know, I think I’m gonna go actually, but thanks for the quiz. Catch you later!” And with that, Dick vaulted over the desk before running out of the building.

_ He had to get to Gotham. The others just had to see this. _

 


	2. Jason got distracted and forgot to say something slightly important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason had to do something, and then, because of Dick, he got distracted. Now he's wrapped up in some scheme to screw over his younger brothers, and honestly it could be worse.  
> Or, alternatively,  
> Dick screws Jason over and Jason then joins him on his crusade

The Red Hood sailed through Gotham, grudgingly and frantically trying to get through to any of the other bat-members. Red Robin was out of town or something (going against Ra’s probably, _gag_ ), Robin was off with his stupid Superboy, and the girls were all taking the night off and doing something stupid, which is totally unfair, since, y’know, Jason was _dead_ and _he_ doesn’t get a break. And Bruce, well Bruce is still being a pretentious douchebag that can shove it- ok so actually he’s out of commission because of multiple broken bones and internal bleeding but _still_.

Again, Jason _died_ and you don’t see him complaining. Much. Still, he had to alert someone that there was a giant problem at the port and it may or may not have been Jason’s fault but he seriously needed help and-

“Red Hood!!! I’m so glad you’re here; where is everyone by the way? Oh, and can we meet somewhere, I’m dying to show you this thing I foun-” And just when he thought his night couldn’t get any worse.

“Nightwing, I can’t believe I'm saying this but I’m glad you’re here. Listen, there was a problem at the ports, and now-”

“Yeah, yeah, problem, issues, whatever, we’ll solve it later. Right now get to the gargoyles that have the purple mustaches on them.” And with that, Nightwing _turned off his comm like an idiot_ and Jason was stuck having to change courses in order to get to those gargoyles (all Robins spoke in directions using gargoyles they’ve each vandalized; it’s like a right of passage to claim one for your own). This was so not what he wanted to do on his Sunday night; he had planned for some good Jane Austen and possibly some netflix, but now it seemed he wouldn’t get to do either. Ugh. Maybe if he was face to face with Nightwing then he could explain the _potentially grave problem down at the port_ -

“Red Hood!!! Down here!!!!” Like an idiot, Nightwing screamed at Red Hood, alerting the entire city where two important vigilantes would be meeting. Sometimes, Jason really wanted to punch Dick.

“Can you shut up for like two seconds, or do you want the entire city to know where we are?!” Jason hissed, landing next to Nightwing who looked far too proud for standing next to a gargoyle with a crudely-drawn purple monocle and mustache. Jason snorted, looking at the bright orange beanie Dick was wearing on his head and neon green jacket he was wearing over his uniform. Apparently, Gotham’s freezing weather was too strong for the Bludhaven vigilante. Heh, pansy.

“Anyways, seriously Nightwing about the port. Red Robin had noticed an increase of weapons exportation recently and when I went down to check there was-”

“Ohhhhh come on, let me guess. There was a gang war, people shooting, people on drugs, blah, blah, blah. That’s like the usual Thursday for us, we’ll work on it later, _promise_. Besides, I didn’t call you to talk about cases. I wanted to show you…. This!”

Dick shoved his phone in Jason’s face, effectively blocking him from being able to protest. Jason took the phone, staring at the buzzfeed quiz that seemed to be about….

Oh,

“Absolutely not.”

“Whattttttttt??? Come on Jaybird pleaseeeeeeeee? It’d be fun, besides I already took the test and I want to see what you’d get! I promise we can work on your case afterwards, if you want.”

Begrudgingly, Jason snatched the stupid phone out of Dick’s hand and started the quiz. If he did the quiz quickly then maybe he can warn Nightwing in time to actually _do_ something.

Speeding through the questions (what type of weapon did he like? Uh obviously something _lethal, duh_ ), he was surprised at how deep some of the questions were. How did he feel about his family name? Well, he does care a lot about his mother but hates the Waynes (that’s a lie and he knows it). Making sure Dickibird wasn’t looking, Jason quickly pressed the answer of “My family’s legacy is important to me and it’s complicated”- yeah sounds about right. Did he trust others? Welllll, that’s definitely not entirely something the pit makes easy, and plus Jason isn’t dumb; he knows he’s not gonna let himself get betrayed easily. Making sure to answer all the questions (did he love animals? uh, well sure, who didn’t??) Jason finally submitted the quiz. Not even looking at the response, he shoved the phone back into Dick’s hand in order to hurry it up.

“Look, I did ’ya stupid quiz and got the stupid results. Now can we _please get back to the fact that-_ ”

“OH MY GO- YOU GOT DAMI”

_What._ Snatching back the phone and ignoring Dick’s gleeful expression that he gets when he is enjoying someone’s pain, Jason frantically scrolled down the screen. And there, under a blurry image of Robin attacking someone with his sword, was the congratulations memo that he got Robin.

_Congratulations, you are Robin! Although you might not have been the first one, you have definitely made your mark! You give off a major intimidating aura, but when you befriend someone you will stick up for them no matter what. You may come off as rude or standoff-ish, but in reality you are just trying to protect yourself from others._

_You care a lot about your family and who you are with your identity, but know that there are people who love and accept you for who you are, not because you were part of something else or had done something. You are fierce on the battlefield and even fiercer with your love for others._

_Go, Robin, go!_

Jason wanted to vomit. Or die. Again. Or maybe murder whoever made this stupid quiz and then die.

Dick was still doing his disgusting laugh where he sounded like he was wheezing and crying at the same time: creating a terrifying and horrifying sound that Jason swore haunted him in his nightmares. Jason felt his eyebrow twitch at seeing Dick hunched over and clearly enjoying Jason’s pain and torture. He wanted to punch him, but right now he had bigger problems to deal with, like the _fact that he supposedly was like the Demon Spawn and how could this happen Jason didn’t deserve this type of shi-_

“If it makes you feel better, I got the Red Hood.” Dick’s voice cut through his inner turmoil, as Dick straightened up and seemed to recover from his laughing attack. He flashed a wide grin at Jason, as if telling him that Golden boy got the big bad Red Hood while _the actual Red Hood got a 12-year old demon was a good thing._

“No, **Dick** , _it doesn’t_.” Jason said through gritted teeth, feeling a vein bulge on his forehead. He would kill the acrobat he swore, already imagining wrapping his hand around Dick’s neck and squeezin-

“Aww come on Little Wing! It’s just a quiz; besides, I think the description sorta works.” Dick ended with a giggle, his stupid grin eating up most of his face. Oh, how Jason would love to shoot it off.

“I’m going to kill you.”

“No wait Jason please!” Dick jumped onto one of the gargoyles, trying his best to get away from Jason who was very much looking forward to killing him.

“D-didn’t you have something you needed to tell me?” Dick stuttered, kicking his leg out at Jason in order to try and dissuade him from coming closer; it wasn’t working.

“I. Don’t. Remember.” Jason spat, smirking at how Dick was cowering. To be honest, Jason was long past being mad; he couldn’t wait to make Timbo or the Demon Spawn take the test and see what their results were (he was already betting on what Timmers would get), but seeing Dick look like he was about to pee himself was something Jason didn’t get to enjoy often.

Jason took a step forward, and Dick scooted backwards on the gargoyle. Jason smirked wider, enjoying the terrified expression on Dick’s face. Ah, it’s the little things in life. Jason took another step forward, and Dick scooted back even more. He took another step, and Dick scooted back. He took another step, and Dick fell off the gargoyle with a shriek.

Jason busted out laughing at the shriek Dick gave when he fell. Again, it’s the little things in life.

“H-hey! Shut uppppppppp.” Dick whined, standing up and rubbing his bruised butt. Chuckling, Jason shook his head and tossed Dick’s phone back to him. “Here, you’re gonna need that so we can make the others take it as well. I’m dying to know what pretender and Demon Spawn will get.”

Dick’s eyes lit up like a freakin christmas tree, it was disgusting. “Really you’ll help? Oh Jaybird this is gonna be so much fun!!” He glomped Jason with a hug, which really felt more like a boa constrictor wrapping around his prey, but eh, schematics. Jason awkwardly patted his back, feeling far too exposed on a Gotham roof to be doing this.

Finally, Dick let go and beamed at Jason. “So Dami doesn’t get back till tomorrow and Tim is in San Fran till next week- you mind staying at the manor to wait?” The question was hesitant and shy, careful of breaching the topic that could possibly be a landmine. But, Jason was in a good mood and although he felt there was something important he needed to do, he wasn’t planning to ruin it.

“Yeah I can do that; I’ve missed Alfred’s cooking anyways. Besides, I don’t have anything else to do today or this week so I should be fine.”

Jason smirked at Dick, raising his grappling. “Race you to the manor?”

Dick grinned in retaliation, pulling out his own as his eyes seemed to sparkle with fairy dust or something-

And then three warehouses exploded at the port.

The explosion rocked the night, practically lighting up the city with how bright the flames were. Sirens could be heard in the distance as Gotham scrambled to pick herself up from the giant blast. Even more smoke than usual filled the sky, effectively blocking the moon from casting its light. Faint screaming could be heard from the port and Jason and Dick stood and watched in fascinated horror as one of the warehouses slowly crumbled to the ground, its support system too destroyed from the blast. It was like watching a runaway train: you just couldn’t look away.

“Ohhhhhh that’s what I forgot; I knew I needed to tell you something. My bad.”

Dick looked like he was torn between wanting to punch Jason, laugh at him, or crying. He ended up just sighing really loudly and shooting his grapple onto a building before swinging towards the blazing fires of hell. Jason smirked, before shooting his grapple and following.

“In my defense, you distracted me!”

“Shut up!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's Fire here, and first off I just wanted to thank you all so much for the comments and likes from the first chapter!!!  
> It warmed my frozen heart to see how excited y'all were for this, and honestly y'all's analysis of who would get who and why was pretty incredible.  
> I was honestly a little nervous to post this next one, just because I didn't want to ruin what some of you guessed, so I hope who Jason got didn't bother you! (Please feel free though to create your own version of this if you want, I would love to read it :))  
> Again, I hope you enjoyed reading this and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	3. Tim doesn't deserve this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Tim wanted was a nap (for once), and surprise surprise, he doesn't get one.

When Tim got back from San Fran, he was exhausted. Dealing with the Titans always ate up all of his energy (because he felt he was parenting a bunch of wild teenagers. Oh wait. He was) , and then Ra’s  _ just had to go and kidnap Tim and his team because he wanted to see Tim again and challenge him to his  _ **_stupid mind games and_ ** \- 

Just. Exhausting. As he walked into the manor, he allowed himself to imagine what would happen if he became a villain. Technically, it’s like, morally wrong and stuff, but he’d finally get peace and quiet so maybe… Eh, he’d probably have to stop talking to all his friends and he’d have to drop his family, which even if they caused him annoyance, he does love them.

“Aww Dami that’s so cute!!!”

“GRAYSON THIS QUIZ IS FAULTY AND MUST BE DESTROYED!”

“I can’t believe you got him this is so much better than I imagined  _ holy shi-“ _

_ “Waitwaitwait Dami don’t break my phone !” _

Nevermind. Tim wanted nothing to do with his family.  

“Ah, Master Timothy, a pleasure to see you again,” Alfred said greeting him in the hall. “I had begun to fear that you may have forgotten how to get home. Masters Richard, Jason, and Damian are in the main parlor. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Master Damian just arrived earlier this morning. Now, I believe, they have been doing “bonding sessions” as Master Richard calls it, in order to pass time as they awaited your arrival.” Alfred smiled at him as he took Tim’s bag. Ah, bless Alfred. The only true reason Tim didn’t become a villain: if you’re evil, you don’t get Alfred’s cookies, simple as that.

Later, he and Alfred would catch up over a game of chess: it’s what they’ve always done when Tim went away; but for now he opened the parlor door, feeling a small bit of happiness well up inside at the prospect of hanging with his family. Although he loathed to admit, they were his brothers and had been there for him when others weren’t, so it might be nice to see them again.

However, that doesn’t mean they weren’t stupid, dumb idiots who sometimes Tim wished would get retribution for everything they had ever done dumped onto them. 

Tim sighed as he took in the view of the parlor. Jason was standing on top of the couch, bent over laughing and struggling to breathe. His face was turning red and the urge to take a picture for blackmail was strong. Dick was hovering frantically around Damian, his hands searching for a place to hug or tackle his younger brother. He looked partly amused, his lips turning upwards, but all in all he just looked terrified and didn’t know how to shut Damian up. Damian himself… seemed to be crying(?) while holding Dick’s phone in one hand and his sword in the other. 

“Hey Jay?” Tim asked, suspiciously eyeing Dick and Damian who were still squabbling over Dick’s phone. They had moved to the other side of the room though, and so Tim felt safe. 

Sorta.

Jason looked up, made eye-contact with Tim, and immediately doubled over laughing again.

“Oh sweet mother you’re  _ here _ ” Jason Todd, the Red Hood, the crime lord of Gotham,  _ wheezed _ . Tim would have laughed if he knew what was going on.

“Ah, yeah I’m here. I live here. But  _ why _ is Damian looking like the world is over?” Tim plunged on, glaring holes into Jason’s head until he finally controlled his laughter. Jason then straightened up and cleared his throat, failing to conceal his large grin.

“ _ Ahem _ , well you know those weird quizzes that determine which bat-freak you would be, right? Anyways, Demon Brat took one.” Jason pointed a thumb at Damian, who still seemed to be in the midst of a tug-of-war with Dick over the phone. Huh. That was not what he was expecting, but it does make sense as to why Damian looks one second away from chopping Dick’s phone into tiny phones.

“Ok so, who’d he get?” Tim questioned, eyebrow quirking as he wondered who could cause Damian to want to destroy Dick’s phone.

“You.”

Oh.

Well that’s not nice. It’s understandable, but somewhere deep inside Tim felt a tad bit offended. It must have shown on his face, because Jason took one look before bursting into laughter again, hands clenched around his stomach and face turning an ugly shade of red as he gasped for breath. Tim hoped he suffocated.

Apparently, Jason’s booming laughter attracted some attention as Dick suddenly looked over, visibly perking up when he saw Tim. Seriously, he looked like one of those dogs when they hear the word “fetch” or “treat”; it was disgusting. Struggling to hold Damian back with one hand, he waved quickly at Tim and smiled brightly as Tim shrugged in response. His smile widened (if that was even possible) because he knew that was the closest he would get of a wave from Tim. 

Then, Dick got his thinking face on, the one he does that he thinks is cute when in reality it’s  _ not _ , and Tim should have known he was screwed.

Quickly, Dick snatched the phone from Damian’s outstretched claw, ignored the angered shriek from Damian, and swung the phone at Tim, yelling a quick “catch!” to Tim before going back to wrestling with Damian, who somehow, had increased in anger once noticing Tim was in the room.

Of course, even though Dick is a well-trained vigilante and police officer, he sucks at throwing, causing the phone to barely make it across the room before beginning its descent. 

Being the tech lover that he was, Tim couldn’t let the beautiful phone break (the poor iphone doesn’t even have a case on it, due to Dick’s insistence that a case would take away from the  _ iphone aesthetic _ ) and proceeded to flip over the couch, making sure to kick Jason on the way, use the coffee table as a springboard, and dive bomb in order to catch the phone before it landed on the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. Which instead Tim landed on.

Groaning in pain and ignoring Jason’s squeaks, Tim cradled the phone and looked at what caused all this chaos. On the screen was a photo of himself in his Red Robin costume… seeming to be asleep on top of a parked car at night. Whoops. Tim knew falling asleep on patrol would come back to haunt him.

Under the photo it read:

_ Congratulations, you are Red Robin! Although you feel you can be forgotten, you’re an important part of any team (and family)! You won’t be left behind and are loved by more than you think. You care deeply about your family, and are highly protective of those you deem yours. Your dedication is unmatched, and your ability to focus on the matter at hand is uncanny. But, sometimes that can be your downfall. _

_ Your stubbornness and determination for your own goals can lead to you forgetting about other things or even neglecting necessary things. Due to mistrust, you tend to try and carry the weight of the world. Don’t forget you are not alone. You’re willing to do whatever it takes, which sometimes can lead to mistakes. You can tend to come off as standoffish or cold, but when you are relaxed and are with your friends, you can let loose and have fun. Secretly, you care about many people and things, even to the point of willing to die for them. _

_ You would do anything for your friends and family, including some questioning things. Be Careful. _

_ Go Red Robin, go! _

Wow. Tim blinked. That is not the explanation Tim wanted, did people really think of him like that? Of course, he knew he came off as a bit dark, but did the public think that? Come on, he’s not that bad, right? Yeah, he’s dedicated, but like it’s part of the job and-

“DAMI NO”

“DRAKE YOU DID THIS TO ME”

“Oh  _ fu-, pretender look out ! _ ”

Suddenly, Tim was squished by a speeding demon hurtling himself at Tim. He felt himself get crushed to the ground, and silently, Tim wondered how a child could  _ weigh so much oh my go- _

“Dami get off Tim! I told you, you can’t tackle people! Use your words, not your body,”Distantly, Tim heard Dick call out, and Jason wheezing in the background, but all he could focus on was the spawn of Satan locking around Tim in order to keep him on the ground. Damian’s elbow pushed into the back of his head, shoving his cheek against the tile floor while his pointy knee pushed into his back. Huh. Is this what it feels like to be arrested?

Foolishly, Tim tried to reason with Damian, because you know, they are supposedly  _ family _ .

“Damian,” Tim gasped, struggling against the demon’s tight hold (seriously this kid was buff and it was  _ creepy _ ), “I didn’t make the quiz. Obviously there was an algorithm for the answers that gave you the result. It’s not actually real.” Then, because Tim might have a death wish, he added, “Don’t worry, you won’t turn into me.” 

He heard Damian growl, and somewhere in his subconscious, Tim made the comparison to an angry hedgehog, but hedgehogs weren’t really all that important when he was going to be murdered by his supposed brother (not that it would be the first time, but you know, it was the principle of the matter). Damian pressed harder on his back, causing Tim to grunt and squeeze his eyes shut, praying that Dick would  _ actually do his brotherly job for once and HELP _ .

“All I answered was that I was protective of my family and that I am willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good! How does this equivalent to you, Drake?” Damian spat out, and Tim winced as he felt spit land on the back of his neck. Ew.

“I. Don’t. Know. Ok?” Tim grunted, frowning as he was seriously considering killing the brat. “I haven’t taken the quiz, therefore, I don’t know the questions nor the algorithm, so if you please,” Tim wiggled, trying to knock Damian off, “get off and let me take the quiz, then I can see what happened.”

Damian huffed, and  _ praise sweet Alfred _ began to release Tim, as if he was getting up, and then was unceremoniously picked up by Dick underneath his arms. Of course Dick arrived late to help. 

Sighing, Tim sat up and rubbed his aching wrists and jaw, while quirking an eyebrow at the sight of Dick holding a disgruntled Damian underneath his armpits and simultaneously lecturing him about personal space and consent. Hmm, maybe Damian was more like an angry kitten? Would that make Dick the mama cat? Eh, whatever. 

Tuning back into the conversation, Tim was able to hear the last bit of Dick’s I’m-disappointed-in-you-but-I’m-just-trying-to-help-you speech, really though, Tim heard it so much he could practically recite it.

“... you know words are more important than violence, Dami. And I know it’s not fun to get in trouble, but I’m just looking out for you. You know the only way to learn is to have consequences, isn’t that right Jason?” Dick smiled his freaky motherly (totally a mother cat) smile at Damian, while Jason raised a shaky thumbs up in the background, obviously not paying attention to what Dick said and still doubled over in laughter.

Damian -tted-, before mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like what could possibly be an apology and then being dropped to the ground by Dick. Well, Tim could take that.

Groaning out loud, especially loudly enough so everyone knew what Tim had to suffer through, he stood up, before looking Damian straight in the eye (he learned from animal shelters that in order to get through to wild animals you need to maintain eye-contact) and made the worst mistake possible.

“Damian, I’ll take the quiz and based off what I heard from you and how I answer, I’ll show you what answers were needed in order to get myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's Fire here and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> I had decided to write this one a bit differently than the others, as I was scared that the same style (brother taking the quiz, getting the results, freaking out, blah blah :)) would get a bit repetitive, so I tried to switch it up. there will be more talk about what Dami got next chapter, but if you really want a full chapter on it I guess I could try? Depends on what y'all want tho!  
> Again, all of y'all's comments are so amazing and never fail to make me smile :); I know some of you were guessing on who Dami would get, so I hope this doesn't bother you! (If you want to make your own version, I'd love to read it)  
> Hope you enjoyed reading this, and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	4. Most of the boys are horrible at guessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Tim takes the quiz, each of the boys have their own thoughts and guesses on what might happen. And surprisingly, for people trained by the greatest detective, they were all pretty bad at guessing.  
> or, alternatively,  
> A quick peak into each of the boys' freaky little heads.

Overall, Dick could agree that so far, it had been a good day. Some might even argue an amazing day, but although Dick likes to look on the positive, he is a realists after all and can recognize when a situation might turn into a horrible train wreck (that is such a lie, Dick is already planning on putting this day in the scrapbook).

He watched with mild fascination and horror as Tim took the phone and proceeded to click out of the results, Timmy’s eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he reloaded the quiz. But what was truly shocking, and what caused Dick’s mouth to drop open, was that Damian LET HIM. He just stood to the side, a small scowl on his chubby cheeks with his arms folded, looking like he had a train to catch and Tim was causing him to wait in line in order to swipe his train card.

Truly, this day was magical- either by the use of Zatanna’s or Klarion’s magic, Dick wasn’t sure. But still. It was amazing. And even though Dami almost tried to shish kebab his phone and almost had a tantrum, Dick could hear Jay’s wheezes in the background and see Timmy’s light smile while taking the quiz and Dami’s slight interest in what Tim was doing. Dick grinned, crossing his arms across his chest and sat down on an arm chair trying to get as comfy as possible.

After all, Dick had texted Bruce to get his butt down to the living room #1 in order for prime family time. He settled back into the chair, grinning widely as Jay began to calm down.

As Tim began to answer questions, excitement rose in Dick’s chest as he waited for who baby bird would get. Whoever he got though, was definitely going to decide how this train would end. Deep inside though, Dick knew that Timmy would get…

* * *

  
Contrary to popular belief, Damian was indeed learning from Grayson’s teachings. He was beginning to understand the importance and necessity of empathizing with others along with minding others’ opinions and beliefs. _However_ , when that foolish quiz stated Damian was his predecessor Drake? Just, because he was committed to his mission and had a bit of trouble making friends? That, is the highest form of insult and he will _not_ accept it (he refused to notice the small part of him that gleamed with pride over the idea that he was similar to the genius Robin who brought Father back from time).

He was embarrassed for the answer he received, and so he acted accordingly. And then when _Drake walked into the room_ **_as if he lived here_ **, well Damian could not be held responsible for his actions. He is sure that Superboy would understand.

And now, while he waited for Drake to finish the quiz, he couldn’t help but grow curious as to if Drake could really get himself or not. After all, a failure can only get a failure, so he might get Todd. Or possibly, he might get someone entirely different that Damian could only wish to get…

* * *

 

To be clear, this was the _best day of Jason’s deadish life_ . Not only did he get to see Demon Brat turn into a putrid, grumpy old man when he got Tim-Tam, but he also was able to see true horror and fear in Dickie-bird’s eyes. Then, when Timmy _actually walked in_ (lookin’ like he was about to die, which is something Jay and Dickie are gonna have to talk about, make sure the little bro isn’t actually _dying,_ **_again_ ** ) he had the _audacity_ to look offended and upset about Demon’s tantrums, which is honestly a highlight of Jason’s day-no wait life- _no wait_ **_second life_ **. Seeing Tim go through an existential crisis about who he is and then look like he was about to combust, vomit, and/or cry all in one minute is one of the few things that can make Jason wheeze so badly that he could hardly breathe.

And now, seeing Dick sitting in the armchair looking far too smug and content, like some evil fat cat, Tim standing and going through the quiz with his robot brain whizzing about, and Dami, who try as he might, could not hide his interest in Tim’s answers, was something that made a little part of Jason (his heart) swell in happiness and provide a feeling of home.

Jason smirked, settling back on the couch as he watched the whole fiasco. Seeing Timmy furrow his eyebrows and zone in on the quiz questions made Jason wanna cackle like Talia. He had good money on who pretender would get, and his excitement and impatience continued to bubble and rise. He was even willing to bet on his grave that replacement would get…

* * *

 

Speeding through the quiz Tim ignored the rest of the world. Although this was NOT where he had wanted to be when he got back to the manor (he imagined his bed, or at least a rug), he had to admit the quiz was fun. Answering the questions (what does he like to do in his free time? Uh, what free time, there is **always** work to be done) was pretty easy, and it was quite amusing to try and figure out the algorithm the quiz used based off just the questions and answers. However, the last few questions were, rather intense, and not something Tim wanted to think about with less than two hours of sleep.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Tim stared at the screen in front of him. Does he trust his friends? Well, technically of course, but he also knew that his friends were some of the most super-powered metas in the world, so he did have contingency plans for them. So, technically, he was just smart (he chose sorta, but prepared). Finally, as he finished the last question and pressed submit, he looked up, grinning widely at his audience.

He knew he would get Red Robin, because Tim, Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne also Red Robin, answered truthfully and without bias to the options. Now all he had to do is wait for the results which read…

Dick sat on the edge of his seat, anticipation swirling in his gut as he saw Tim finish the quiz. He HAD to know if his guess was correct and that Timmy got…

Damian leaned forward, trying to see the loading page for the results. It was necessary for Damian to quell his nerves about how the quiz worked, and that all depended on what Drake got, which had to be…

Jason smirked wickedly, his impatience and glee for the upcoming doom bursting at the seams. Because of course, Pretender, the Replacement, had to get…

“I GOT BRUCE?!”

“Wait whAT-”

“How dare you get Father!?”

“ _Oh_ , I **so** called it.”

As Tim stared at the screen in horror (and a little bit of pride, to be honest, because _suck it, Dami_ ), he distantly heard the shrieks and screams from Dami and Dick along with Jason cackling like a freaky witch, or Talia. He also heard Demon Brat screaming for Titus, and he heard the pitter patter of the demon’s tiny feet sprinting towards him. He sighed, closed his eyes, and wished one more time that he had become a supervillain as he felt the speeding bullet that is his little brother ram into his side.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the next chapter! This one focuses a little on each of they boys, since I thought it would be fun to show how each are reacting to what's happening. Tim getting Batman was honestly one of the first things I thought of when I started writing this, so I hope that doesn't bother you! In the comics multiple times he is compared to Batman, and is stated to be one of the most similar to Bruce. I thought it would be interesting to use that, but again this was just made for fun :)  
> Also shutout to that one person who guessed it in the comments, I literally had no idea how to respond without spoiling it haha  
> Speaking of comments, I also just wanted to thank you all for the kind comments and love. It always makes me smile, and I want to make this perfect for y'all. I do apologize for this one being a bit short, but the next one will be a bit longer I believe.  
> So, I hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	5. I'm not even surprised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce almost regrets adopting children. Almost.

When Bruce got a text from Dick about family-bonding, he can admit that something akin to happiness spread throughout his body. Since it was only Saturday morning and he did not have patrol until later that night, he deemed that he could go be with his sons for a while and invest in this, so called “family-bonding”. Unlike Dick’s unnatural positivity about family time, Bruce was wary and so he called upon his secret weapon: Alfred. He was not stupid; he still remembers Thanksgiving. 

As he walked with Alfred through the hallway, a calming effect seemed to wash over him.  He never liked to admit it outloud, but it was something that always reminded him of his childhood, when it really was only him and Alfred in the house. Smiling faintly to himself, he headed down the stairs towards his sons, past all the murals of previous Waynes. Glancing at his father’s portrait, he couldn’t help but feel pride swell in his chest knowing that he had done  _ something _ for the city and in turn, his life. He had support from people he could truly consider friends and some even family, and even had children of his own; all of this was something that Bruce was truly sure that his parents would love and be proud of. Speaking of his children… He smiled wider and quickened his pace as boisterous laughter leaked through the walls. 

Then, Bruce heard screaming. Screaming, which, particularly sounded like a damsel in distress from one of those misogynistic princess movies Dick was obsessed with. Meaning, it was Tim. Sharing a concerned glance, they hurried their pace, Bruce even turning it into a light jog as they rushed down the stairs. Worry coursed through him, possible scenarios and plans flitting through his head. Was the family being attacked? Was it superhero or Wayne related? Did he need to call Clark, or could Batman handle it? Was this a code Alpha 01509 or just Alpha 0150 **_8_ ** ? 

But, as he rushed to the French doors to the main parlor, he did not hear screaming, he did not hear any gunshots, nor did he even hear furniture breaking due to a struggle. Instead, all he heard was squabbling between brothers. 

Slowing down, he let out a sigh, a bit peeved and embarrassed to have gotten worked up so quickly at just  _ another _ brotherly spat. He knew the boys could take care of themselves, and that if anything happened to them, the girls would be more than capable of being able to save the day, but still. Sometimes all he does is worry; maybe Selina is right- he does need a break. 

Alfred joined Bruce at the doors shortly afterwards, since he had already figured out the real reason for the yelling, and had slowed his pace, simply allowing Bruce to make a fool out of himself. 

As the french doors swung open, Bruce prepared for lecturing the boys, and Alfred prepared for the mess he would have to make the boys clean up. Sadly, both were right in the need for preparation.

The couch was knocked over, as if someone had jumped from it, and pillows were flown about the room. Papers were scattered around, someone had knocked them off the coffee table, and there were 4 boys in the midst of the hurricane. 

Tim had somehow climbed on top of Jason, to the point where he was wrapped around Jason’s neck and perched on his broad shoulders in hopes of escaping from Damian. He had one hand covering Jason’s mouth and the other gripping his hair for balance, similarly to how a boa constrictor would wrap around one’s prey. 

Jason himself, whose face was turning an alarming shade of purple due to lack of oxygen, was stumbling around widely and screaming behind Tim’s hand, desperately trying to detach his snake-like brother. It also appeared he was attempting to run from Damian, who was chasing after him with his sword (Bruce would have to remember to bring that up later- he had told Damian no running with his sword in the house) and screaming in Arabic, his eyebrow twitching in a way that Bruce knew his own did when Hal was being exceptionally annoying. Alfred grimaced at the word usage Damian spewed, but Bruce was more or less just proud of his pronunciation --with Damian’s recent voice cracks due to adolescence, he had been having trouble with sounding out correct vowels and such. Dick, well Dick was just being Dick. He was hanging from the chandelier, unsuccessfully trying to grab Damian’s sword with his belt and also record this on his phone. His hyena laughter filled the room, causing his body  _ and  _ the chandelier to shake to the point where Bruce was unsure if he would fall.

It was, in short, a sight that made Bruce both thankful that he had children, and made him wish that someone (probably Alfred) informed him that parenting will make you want to pound your head against a door in agony . 

Bruce was about to open his mouth, ready to do whatever it took to end this mayhem before he got another headache, when Alfred put a hand on his shoulder.“Sir,” he stated, mirth twinkling his eyes, “if you would allow me. I seem to have more experience in controlling teenage boys.” 

Huffing quietly, Bruce shook his head and stepped back, gesturing for Alfred to do his magic. Alfred nodded in thanks before facing the boys, clasping his hands behind his back as observed the group for a moment or two, before, “ **_ahem_ ** ”.

Instantly, everyone stopped. Dick froze, his body slowly coming to a stop as his laughter died down. Damian stood still, his sword dropping to his side, his quest for vengeance seemingly put on hold. Tim’s hissing stopped, and Jason stopped struggling, his breath coming in deep pants as Tim relaxed his hold. All boys slowly turned to look at Alfred, their eyes growing impossibly wide at the perse of Alfred’s lips. 

Bruce watched in amusement as they all visibly paled, and secretly, he felt relief over the fact he wasn’t the one on the receiving end of Alfred’s gaze this time. Finally, after a minute or two of pure silence and judgement, Dick was the first to try and save their souls. Jumping down from the chandelier, he landed on his feet and flashed his patented-I-know-I-did-something-wrong-but-I’m-amazing-and-you-love-me smile at Alfred (Bruce had seen a 13-year old Dick practice this in his bathroom mirror; he wished he had tried to stop him before the smile became  _ effective _ ). 

“Ah, hey Alfred… Sorry about the mess, we just got a little carried away? No worries though right? Haha…” Dick scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, his smile crumbling under Alfred’s stony gaze. He was the only one who could withstand Dick’s patented smile; Bruce himself would get caught up in it-- too busy being reminded of days filled with a smaller Robin flipping through the air to actually punish Dick. 

“Master Richard, I thought our chandelier days were behind us, were they not?” Alfred elegantly raised an eyebrow, and Dick wilted under his gaze. 

“Sorry Alfred,” he muttered, staring  at the floor and drawing on the carpet with his foot. 

Nodding, Alfred turned to Damian, who was trying to secretly push his katana behind the couch with his foot. Noticing he was caught, he quickly straightened up, a blush painting his cheeks as he cleared his throat.

Ah, Damian plays the innocent card, stating, “Pennyworth, I am glad you are here; I had been defending my honor, and now that you are here, you can punish Drake accordingly.” He spoke confidently, as if Alfred had not walked in on Tim trying to run  _ away  _ from Damian, and did not know that usually Damian started the quarrels.

“Master Damian.” Alfred leveled a look with him, the one that meant he knew you were lying and was  _ not _ amused by it. Damian glanced away, and faintly Bruce heard Tim snicker behind his hand. 

“And pray tell, why did your  _ honor _ need defending, particularly from Master Timothy?” Damian sniffed hauntingly, a faint blush beginning to rise on his cheeks that he steadfastly ignored. “It all started with Grayson, Pennyworth. He and Todd ambushed me this morning when I came back and proceeded to coerce me into taking a quiz that would identify which ‘bat-male’ I was.” As he stated this, he grew progressively more and more red, as if it was too mortifying to even remember. He stiffened slightly, taking in a sharp breath as he prepared for what he had to say next.

“Apparently, the quiz has deemed that I, Damian Wayne Al-Ghul, am best suited to be Red Robin, or  _ Drake _ .” This was spit out as if it was a vile poison meant to bring him the worst of pain and suffering. Ah. So this was what was stressing out his youngest son. Bruce should have known it was something like this.

This was, apparently the final straw for Jason, who had been trying to, unsuccessfully Bruce might add, muffle his laughter. 

“He- he tried to  _ murder  _ Dickie’s phone,  _ oh my go- _ ” Jason erupted into laughter, leaning over so he could clutch his knees and create an unappealing wheeze. Tim in turn scrambled to hold on tighter, his face scrunching in fear of sliding off the leaning giant. 

“ _ Jay I swear if you drop me Roy is gonna get that video of you singing My Heart Will Go On faster than you can jerk off- _ ” ,Tim hissed threatenly, and briefly Bruce made a note to inquire about the video later, all the while rubbing his head in preparation for the now migraine that was going to be coming  _ very _ soon.

“ **_Boys._ ** ” At the sound of Alfred’s voice, both boys automatically straightened up, Jason awkwardly clearing his throat and Tim shuffling on Jason’s neck, a faint blush splattered across both boys’ cheeks.

Huffing quietly, Alfred resumed his attention to Damian, observing him quietly before coming to his conclusion. 

“Master Damian, the quiz is nothing more than faulty assumptions and stereotypes created by onlookers onto something that frankly, they know nothing about. They do not know who any of you truly are, and what answer you received from this quiz matters little. You are still Damian,  _ Robin _ , and you are appreciated for who you are.” Damian sniffled at the small smile on Alfred’s face, and quietly Dick approached him from behind, laying a hand on his shoulder and give a small squeeze. 

“Yeah little D, the quiz is just a big joke, you’re still our little Dami.” Both Jason and Tim made various sounds of agreement, something that made Bruce smile at his boys coming together for one of their own. Again, Bruce made another mental note to have a one-on-one with Robin tonight during patrol, maybe even allow Robin to play with some of the alley-cats as well.

Alfred, apparently satisfied with Damian’s care, as Dick was then smushing his cheek on top of Damian’s head and cooing about his little brother, turned to face the last two misfits.

“Master Jason and Master Timothy, do you perhaps have an explanation for your… predicament?” At Alfred’s inquiry, both boys seemed to shrink back some, shame flooding their features as they both tried to come up with a response. Alfred waited patiently, and finally Jason was the first one to break.

“Oh uh, sorry Alf, we just got a little caught up in Dami’s tantrum, you see, it wasn’t even  _ my  _ fault and -” As Jason continued rambling , Bruce could not help but remember a smaller and younger Jason responding the exact same way to when Alfred asked if he took the Batmobile out for a spin. It painted a small smile on his face, as he remembered a time before he knew the darkness and despair that came with mourning a son. 

“ _ Hold up _ Jason don’t throw me under the bus  _ it wasn’t my fault either you douche _ -” Tim interrupted loudly, fear prominent in the way he squeezed Jason tighter as if he was a comfort plush animal and how his eyes flickered to Alfred quickly before glancing away; his breathing increased as well, and with his hands clenching and unclenching the way they were, Bruce feared his son might be heading to a panic attack.

Alfred sighed through his nose and briefly closed his eyes; the only hint of annoyance that Bruce has ever seen, aside from when he broke his fist when he first tried to punch a wall for “pain endurance”. “Master Timothy, please calm down and remember your breathing techniques; a panic attack would hinder your ability to explain the situation, would it not?” 

Alfred breathed deeply and started counting slowly, allowing for Tim to follow suit. Bruce saw his other sons do the same, Dick and Damian stopping their quiet squabble to focus on Tim and Jason even reaching up to rub a circle on Tim’s back in soothing motions. Bruce knew that he had been returning from a tiring mission with the Titans that had to deal with Ra’s; Tim had made sure to include everything perfectly in the report. Everything except for his own injuries and lack of sleep apparently. Frowning, he observed his son diligently -- he knew that Tim’s exhaustion was what was hightening his emotions and that he would calm down soon. He saw the deep circles under his son’s eyes and the faint bandages under his hoodie; that amount of bandages looked alarming to the point where Bruce feared he would have to break out the powerpoint about safety again.

As Tim calmed down, the tension in the room that Bruce had not even realized was there eased away. Grinning shakily, Tim released a hand on Jason to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck while chuckling. “Ah, sorry about that Alf, you know how it goes.”

Alfred merely raised an eyebrow, and although his face did not change expressions, the relief in his eyes over the boy’s health was apparent enough. 

“It is quite alright Master Timothy, we have all had our moments.” A murmur of agreement rose from the other boys, Bruce even himself nodding in agreement as Dick flashed a thumbs up. “Now, would you mind detaching yourself from Master Jason? He is not a ‘climbing post’, as one might say.”

Following Alfred’s statement, Tim let out an eep as he realized the predicament that he was in. Quickly, he scrambled off of Jason, embarrassment and shame radiating off him to almost the same degree as Pamela’s poisonous fumes radiating off herself for self-defense. He edged away from Jason, who did nothing to help as he snickered loudly.

Tim ducked his head, mumbling out, “Sorry about that Alfred.” Alfred’s eyes narrowed, his forehead creasing as he stared the boy down. He asked, “Master Timothy, what have I said about mumbling?”

Tim jumped, quickly standing straight and his face becoming even redder as he stammered out another apology.

Seemingly satisfied, Alfred turned to face the entire group with his hands folded neatly behind his back. Content, Bruce leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, waiting to see how this would work out.

“Now that everything is settled, how about we all just forget about the quiz. It seems it has done more damage than help, correct?” Alfred’s eyes flickered to Damian before serverying the group. Surprisingly, Dick was not the only one who disagreed.

“Now hold up Alfie let’s not get ahead of ourselves-”

“Yeah, wait Alf it wasn’t really that bad-”

“No one got hurt and I think that’s a plus!!”

“Pennyworth, I believe your calculations are wrong.”

Surprised at the outburst from all four, Alfred quirked  _ both  _ eyebrows. Dick, of course was the first one to step forward.

He took a deep breathe, preparing for his speech. Even Bruce had to admit he was intrigued. “Listen, the quiz may have caused some… unwanted consequences. But! It’s also brought us all together, I mean Jason is even at manor!! Willingly!!” Dick’s grin grew before quickly wobbling as he added, “No offence Jason.” 

Jason merely shrugged, his lips quirking up into an almost smile. “Eh, Dickie-bird for once is actually right. This has honestly been pretty fun,” he admitted awkwardly, before a smirk creeped onto his face, “pretty fun, that is, for hanging with a bunch of losers.” 

Tim sighed loudly, his hand dragging down his face in despair. “Jason you ruined the moment you useless zombie.” Again, all Jason did was shrug in response. Tim continued, after giving a quick glare to Jason. “But yeah they’re right. Although I could be sleeping,” everyone snorted at the idea of Tim actually choosing to sleep  _ willingly _ , “this was actually pretty enjoyable. Even Demon-brat wasn’t that bad.” Tim jerked his thumb at Damian, who turned his nose up in response and sniffed haughtily. “Except you know when he was trying to kill me.”

“Now who’s  ruining the moment,” Jason muttered, causing Tim to playfully shoved him. 

Shockingly, Damian stepped forward to defend it as well. Awkwardly, he stated, “Pennyworth, although we all… appreciate your concern, it is unnecessary. We all willingly took the quiz, and even if the answers are insolent and counterfactual, it was a ‘bonding experience’, as Grayson might say.” With that, Damian looked to Dick for reassurance of some sort, and with a small pout, asked, “We believe it would also be beneficial if Father and you would take the quiz. Would that be acceptable?”

What.

Bruce startled, almost falling off the door frame as he was unceremoniously shoved into this mess of a conversation. He was meant to be an observer, not an actual member of this foolery. Bruce turned, hoping to escape the room before anyone noticed. Sadly, Alfred has been too tuned into Bruce’s bs for years now to allow him to escape. Alfred turned, a judgemental frown on his face as he recognized Bruce’s-running-away-from-emotions technique that almost always got him out of trouble. The only people it did not work on were Diana, Clark, and Alfred.

Dick and the others piped up, Dick especially lighting up when he noticed Bruce was already in the room. 

“Yeah you guys should totes do it too!!” Oh, where had Bruce gone wrong with his english teachings for Dick? “It would really help bring everyone together, right guys?”

Jason and Tim shared diabolical grins, and even Damian looked a little too happy about this as they all nodded in agreement. They knew of his hatred for any 21st century pop culture references or uses, quizzes being one of the top items on his list; they were enjoying his suffering. God why did he adopt kids?

Bruce shot a look to Alfred, his eyes begging for mercy while his face remained stoic and void of emotions. Alfred looked him in the eye, smiled, and said, “Why, Master Richard, that sounds absolutely wonderful. Master Bruce can go fist even.” Bruce should have fired him when he was 15 and mad about his curfew and had a  _ chance _ . 

Suddenly, a phone was chucked at him, at precisely 95 miles per hour, Bruce noted, before he caught it and examined what was on it. Ignoring the small curse from Jason (presumably the one who threw the phone), he viewed the congratulatory page. On it was an,  _ ahem _ ,  **humiliating** photo that Bruce bet Clark had his friend from his reporting job take.

In it, Superman was posed in his usual dramatic flair,  _ except _ in his arms was  _ Batman, being carried bridal style _ . It had clearly been taken after a mission, judging from the cuts and bruises, and Batman himself was unconscious. Maybe it was after the mission against Bane? Either way, Bruce felt his eyebrow twitch in displeasure at the image, making another mental note to pay Clark  _ and _ the editor of this quiz a visit later. Underneath the photo, it read:

_ Congratulations, you are the Dark Knight! _

_ You are the one always with a plan and is always one step ahead of the others. You are straight to the point and don’t mess around. Although you care deeply for your friends and family, you have trouble expressing it. A lot. You have trust issues that can cause distance from others and an almost hesitance for growing closer to others. However, you care so much for others no matter what and you will sacrifice yourself no matter what for the sake of others. _

_ Even though you tend to make enemies due to your… boundaries, you should know that you can count on others to help in times of need. _

_ You have an incredible will and determination to make things right. _

_ Go Batman go! _

Bruce crinkled his nose at the blasé description, a part of him even irked at how they cast him as some loner, but he had to admit that a part of him was impressed with the analysis. It was not close to any of the truth, but he could see where they could come to these conclusions. Ignoring Jason’s howling laughter, Bruce proceeded to sigh and go back to the starting screen of the quiz. God he wished Clark would call in now for a dangerous mission or something; he would much rather be fighting mutant aliens than take a quiz that asks him, “what kind of breakfast does he prefer”.

Tension rose in the air as Bruce answered the different questions, his face hinting at nothing while his sons waited with bated breath. Dick bounced on his toes, his inability to keep still causing Damian mild discomfort as he inched away. Tim and Jason continued to snicker like school girls and impatiently wait for the results. Finally, Bruce turned off the phone and tucked it into his pocket; the test was over and he got his results. Alfred raised an eyebrow at his actions, but did not mutter a word.

“Well?” Dick cried out in excitement, his nerves finally getting the best of him.

Bruce stared blankly at him. “I got Batman.” The  _ obviously _ , was implied and duly noted from the boys.

Groans of disappointment filled the room, Damian himself sighed in contempt and crossed his arms. Tim looked away, grumbling about his lack of facial expressions while Dick just pouted.

Jason rolled his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips and his hands on his hips akimbo. 

“You know what? I’m not even surprised.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew guys this was not a fun couple of weeks. I'm sorry that I didn't post on last Tuesday, but I had received a head injury and writing a lot was sorta almost impossible. So, sorry if this one is not the best, I really struggled with this one. I'm still recovering, so the next chapter might be posted later as well. Again I'm really sorry about the delay, but I hope you can still enjoy this!  
> You may have noticed the part where Bruce took the actual quiz was pretty short; I hadn't planned it this way, and I'm not the happiest about that, but I think it fits with Bruce. I did want this chapter to be more about the boys interacting with Alfred and how Bruce would see them, so I think its almost fitting that Bruce would almost spend the entire chapter talking about his sons rather than some quiz.  
> Now, about who Bruce got, well, there was never really sound proof so I guess it's up to you :) In my mind though, he just couldn't not get Batman. He was the start of it all, and while the others have changed personas and costumes, he has remained Batman. Again, that is just me, so take what you want from this chapter <3  
> All of your comments are read and appreciated so much, I feel a flicker of life in my could and heartless soul every time I read one  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it's Fire here! So, this was something that I've had for a while, and I thought it would be nice to have something light-hearted after Phoenix dropped that angsty chapter in the Game of Chess (go read it, it made me cry :)).  
> This will be multiple chapters, with the plan to be each one focusing on a different character and their results from the quiz.  
> Some of the descriptions might seem a bit odd, but I think that the Buzzfeed results would be a little weird, just because they don't know the vigilantes that well, so I'm sorry if that bothers you.  
> The chapters might also seem to be a bit short, I hope that's ok!  
> Hope you enjoy!


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